Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) isn’t just a narcissistic former movie star currently stocking shelves as a lowly retail worker in her hell. She’s a former student at Miss Robichaux’s School for Exceptional Young Ladies, and, at one time, a formidable witch who helped save the world on American Horror Story: Apocalypse.
American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy’s witches make all of their other small-screen counterparts seem annoyingly squeaky clean by comparison. When it comes to being a witch, the wickeder the better, and nobody is more supreme than Madison. At times unapologetically awful and often the source of much-needed comic relief, Madison’s potty mouth always keeps fans anticipating what she’ll say next. Here are Madison Montgomery’s 10 best quotes.
10. “We think that pain is the worst feeling. It isn’t. How can anything be worse than this eternal silence inside of me?”
Madison’s monologue exploring what it’s like to be a Millennial adds a new layer of depth to the previous straight-up mean girl. Only after being brought back from the dead (after Fiona Goode slits her throat) does Madison begins to question her mortality.
Her soliloquy doesn’t reveal whether or not Madison was as introspective before her untimely demise, but nobody in the Murphy-verse comes back from the dead without some renewed power or sense of purpose. Madison isn’t a better person, but she does have a stronger grasp on why she may not care.
9. “For witches, you guys are such squares.”
Madison’s resume of misdeeds and misadventures is long, starting with her cliche Hollywood behavior and ending with her gunning down the Antichrist.
Following a very brief period of self-reflection (after she’s resurrected from the dead), Madison returns to her old ways. When Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) goes MIA on American Horror Story: Coven, Madison remains largely unaffected which is pretty surprising given she knows firsthand a missing witch is likely a dead witch. She cares enough to view Queenie’s disappearance as an opportunity to revisit the morgue, but Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) isn’t eager to return to the scene of their last crime.
The girls who attend Miss Robichaux’s Academy are anything but square, and, if you tally up their combined misdeeds, they’re probably guilty of all seven deadly sins (and a few new ones). Is Madison the worst of the worst? She seems to think so.
8. “Welcome to the revolution, Carrot Top. As the next Supreme, I’m gonna drive this coven out of the Dark Ages. Crotchless panties for everyone.”
Madison has her signature style, but there are definite similarities between the one-time wannabee Supreme and the former one, Fiona Goode. Both paint a target on Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy), but Madison has an advantage over Fiona: her quips are quicker and smarter.
As if fame doesn’t delude Madison enough regarding her importance in the grand scheme of things, the belief that she’s the next Supreme amplifies her ego even more. Madison’s bad attitude foreshadows a Fiona 2.0 and a final death knell for the coven.
7. “Look, for the sake of peace among roommates, I’m sorry I killed your boy candy, okay? But, given your black widow status, he was living on borrowed time anyways.”
Even if Madison wasn’t the victim of gang rape, nobody would expect her to feel genuine remorse about killing Kyle (Evan Peters) and his fraternity brothers. The attempt at an apology is as close to well-intentioned as Madison can ever get, and even then, she still manages to insult Zoe in the process.
Honesty isn’t always the best policy where Madison is concerned, but, if she doesn’t have any skin in the game, why not tell it like it is?
6. “Who are you? Huh? You’re not even the star of your own hell. You’re a nameless day player in my eternal suffering.”
Madison’s idea of hell? Working at a low-end outlet star as a clerk. On American Horror Story: Apocalypse, viewers learn Madison’s fate after Kyle murders her. It’s not fire and brimstone, but, for Madison, being mistaken for Lindsay Lohan by bargain-basement shoppers is a fate worse than death. Even in hell, Madison is obsessed with who receives top billing.
Viewers can’t wait for Madison to be reborn … again. But she should earn rave reviews for her performance as a young woman stuck in a dead-end job.
5. “I don’t really have the disposition for motherhood. If my child wasn’t cool or good looking, there’s no way I’d love it.”
American Horror Story: Murder House’s Constance Langdon remains as committed to her children (or what’s left of them) on American Horror Story: Apocalypse. When Madison and Constance meet, naturally the latter can’t wait to share some of her truly twisted parenting secrets.
Unlike Constance, Madison feels zero maternal instinct and recognizes the pivotal role she would play in raising a problem child. It’s rare for Madison to admit to having any flaws, and a bit disarming how she can be so insightful yet completely immature at the same time; the biggest burden she can foresee about motherhood is giving birth to an unpopular child.
4. “We take the best boy parts, we attach them to Kyle’s head and we build the perfect boyfriend.”
Where others see death, destruction, and tragedy, Madison Montgomery sees opportunity. Madison, who is accustomed to functioning in a very quid pro quo capacity, feels she owes Zoe a little something after the newest addition to the Academy kills one of Madison’s rapists. What’s a little reanimating a corpse between new friends?
Madison isn’t just a witch, she’s a visionary. She’s a modern-day Victor(ia) Frankenstein, and Kyle is her monster.
3. “I mean, why wait for some phony happily ever after when you can have your piece now, I say.”
When meeting the handsome and pious new neighbor, Luke Ramsey (Alexander Dreymon), Madison oscillates between in your face sexuality and double entendres. Luke is not only impervious to her beauty and limited charms, but he barely registers her existence.
Someone who suspects Madison’s intentions is Luke’s mother, a religious fanatic. Madison’s delivery of this line serves to undermine the Bible-thumper and to tempt Luke.
2. “We all know the playbook on this. You killed me, so we burn you at the stake. I’m gonna bring marshmallows and graham crackers to make s’mores.”
It turns out Fiona is wrong when she tells Madison and Zoe the only thing they have to fear in the world is her. The tables turn as a fading Fiona sees Madison for the first time since killing her. Nothing scares Fiona more than insignificance and death, and no witch wants to face Myrtle and Misty’s fates on American Horror Story: Coven.
Madison’s joke isn’t the most original, but she delivers it with a certain joie de vivre. Madison uses the imagery of a tasty treat enjoyed by campers everywhere as a juxtaposition to the stench of burning human flesh and high-pitched screams of agony. Enjoy!
1. “Well, I’ve always had the curse of being right and knowing more than everyone else, so I guess me knowing I’m in hell is ironic or something.”
The thoughtful Madison, who seems so disillusioned at the discovery that death is nothing but a dark void on American Horror Story: Coven, comes to terms with being stuck in hell pretty well on American Horror Story: Apocalypse. The real irony is how despite being proven wrong over and over again, Madison hasn’t learned a thing. One of the best things about Madison is the contradictions that exist within her; she’s utterly clueless, but also acutely self-aware.
